She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
