Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
