He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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