So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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