I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
