yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We have started to decorate penises.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
