This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
