In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
