after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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