getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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