I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My day in three words: secret purse cake
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
