you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
