break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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