i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
They took my balls.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
