can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
