im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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