dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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