i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
