drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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