Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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