It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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