That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
