Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
