NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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