i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
