Already got asked if we're dating
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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