Can i not drive my cunt home
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
