Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
