True but thats because hes a fetus.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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