He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
