apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
