I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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