Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
