Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
