That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
