so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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