R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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