Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
