sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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