dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
