FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
