So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
