There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
