Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
