Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
