dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
