someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
