Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
