Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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