thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
