So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
