i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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