Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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