i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
