this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
